Thanksgiving 2011

One year ago, Justin and I were going through quite the financial crisis. With a business that did not succeed, lots of debt, and news that my new job was not stable, I worried…a lot. God does not call us to live in fear, to worry or doubt, but He calls us to live in faith and to trust in Him. To worry is to reject the very essence of God’s provision over us. When we worry, we negate our faith/trust in Him.

I recently mulled over the definitions of faith versus trust. It is so easy for me to say that I have faith. I fully believe in our God, the one who is unseen, the one that gave His own son for ME. I have faith that my God is my protector, my shield, my deliverer. But…do I TRUST him? Do I fully trust that my God will not harm me nor forsake me? Worry is a selfish act that separates us from our Father. When we worry, we deny our need for God and our trust in Him and believe that we can fix things on our own.

Because of the fall, things will never be perfect on earth. There will always be stresses in our life that could lead us to worry. God never promised us a perfect earthly existence. He only promised us a perfect eternity.

So, back to last year…
I definitely struggled with trusting God. In my heart, I knew that God would never leave me nor forsake me, but in my mind, I was constantly trying to figure out ways that I could fix our situation. I was distraught over our financial situation. Jude was almost one and it just did not seem practical to think about extending our family until we could get our finances under control. Justin and I had a plan. I would find another job and we would work hard to pay off debt, then we would think about having another baby.

It really is funny that we think we know what we need! Despite our plans, on February 15, 2011, I found out baby number two was on the way. I will be honest and say that I was in a complete state of shock. On one hand, I could not have been more thrilled. On the other, I could not have been more scared. How were we going to take care of and provide for two babies? How could we possibly afford this? I wanted to thank God for giving me the rich blessing of a child, but wanted to also question His judgment!

As I sit here this Thanksgiving, my heart is full. I have tears of joy as I think about God’s abundant grace and faithfulness. I am thankful for His provision and HIS plan for my family. I am thankful that God works in me, despite me. And, I am thankful that God gives me forgiveness as I work on giving up control and trusting completely in Him.

“He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect. Everything he does is just and fair. He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright he is!” Deuteronomy 32:4